A day in the life of "me"

Let me just start off by saying I broke my toe on Monday night :(  I barely, barely snagged it on the baby gate downstairs, but since this is like the 8th time I have broken it, it is so weak, it takes nothing to break.  So boo-hoo a broken toe, a broken pinky toe, but in my self-pity defense, you need your pinky toe for balance when you walk, and when you can't walk on it, it throws everything off.  I have broken one of my middle toes before (dropped a paint can ...... gallon size paint can on it) and I could still walk normally, no problems.  So anyways, I am walking with a limp right now, my poor broken pinky toe, I HAVE seriously contemplated having it amputated because I have broken it so many times, this is just beyond frusterating, but really I don't think that would solve anything, I would just end up breaking the next toe in line.  ( I am really not that clutsy, just alot of stuff to trip on in this house, I guess)  So I had a bad day.

and now that I have had some time to recoop. and dig into this;

it doesn't seem ALL bad, I mean not the whole day was bad, just a series of unfortunate events which has led to me sobbing from about 5:00p.m. untill 6:10p.m.  Yep, I had a meltdown, full out sobbing meltdown the kind I wish my kids didn't witness and wonder if it will scar them for life.  So I decided to blog about it :)  You know when I was a little girl, I had 2 people I wanted to be when I grew up #1) was a mother, always knew I had to have babies (not sure I ever knew I would have SEVEN babies though...... I guess I can scratch that off my list) and #2) was a writer.  No, seriously, I wanted to write best-selling fiction novels, I once had a friend tell me I should write for the soap operas because I was so dramatic, lol.  When I go to my blogger dashboard to blog a session I get side-tracked by the updates of the blogs that I follow.  As I read these blogs, I wonder how in the hell these people have time to blog as much as they do?  I wish I had the time to blog about my day.  There has always been something theraputic to putting my thoughts into words.  I guess you make time for what is important to you, and to some people, blogging is important.  I wish I could have more time for this, but right now, there are just too many other things that have to come first, this being one of them;

the never ending laundry.  I don't think anyone can comprehend what a HUGE ASS job it is to keep up with the laundry for a family of nine!  I have to do laundry every day, and YES, every load is a SUPERSIZE load!  I don't know how much more my washer a dryer can take (but I am secretly hoping they die, because when they do I get a FRONT LOAD washer and dryer!)  I have also been putting my photography as a priority.  For about a month now, I have been doing 2 sessions on the week-ends and so I try to get them edited during the week, before I start another session.  I am just afraid if I get behind and let it slip, it will all go to hell.  As it is, my photography has been taking up alot of my time.  I have asked myself MANY times, what the hell am I doing?  What am I thinking?  As if seven kids, isn't enough, hey why not try to start a business right now, I really should be committed!  I know this isn't ideal right now, and I sure as hell know I am not supermom and CAN NOT by any means do it all (what does that mean anyways?  who really does it all?) but photography makes me happy.  It makes me feel good.  It calms that little voice inside of me that says I need something else besides the kids and the house in my life, I need something just for me.  So I am going with it, well one day at a time anyways.  So I am quickly learning the balance game, constantly trying to balance it all, mommy, housekeeper (she's not around much), cook, wife, and photographer.  Spend the morning editing while Will naps and spend the afternoon doing laundry while Eva naps and all the in-between cleaning, picking up toys, cleaning up the cheerio bomb that Eva sets off in the dining room every morning at breakfast, checking the e-mail, checking facebook, checking flickr, playing with the kids, and all of the small things that make up my day, this is my life.  Balance.  I wonder why there are days, when I feel on top of the world, everything goes amazing and I feel so good about myself and then there are days like today, me sobbing and crying, while the kids just look at me like I am nuts.  Frick, I AM nuts! 

So the kids have been extremely sick this year, since December, it seems like someone is sick every week, and this is so unusual for us, and I am starting to wonder if there isn't something in this house poisoning us.  We realize it has been like 6+ years since we have had the furnace and ducts cleaned, so Aaron made a call and we had them come to clean the furnace/ducts today.  I thought it would take a few hours and really just be a pretty normal day, I had hoped to get last week-ends session done if not close to done, and to finish the laundry that I started on MONDAY!  Well apparantly it had been so long since we had our ducts cleaned that I forgot they need to have that huge ass hose hooked up to your furnace and going all they way outside to their truck with your front door wide open the whole damn time.  So when the guy came and said, "do you have a cat?" worried the cat would get out, I'm thinking, "who gives a shit about the cat, how am I going to keep my 2 year old from bolting out the front door?"  How indeed.  It was lunch time when the guy came and thankfully Will had just been fed and was asleep in the swing.  So I had to hold Eva on my hip while I made lunch for the kids (Sarah was home sick from school and Cole was home because of a severly pulled neck muscle, so that's five kids at home)  I figured I would give the kids lunch and then put Eva down for a nap.  Ha ha, ya right, no chance, she would go down with the noise of the air duct cleaning , she was TOTALLY FREAKED out!  So I took her and Will downstairs and put the gate up, because she did try bolting out the front door, like 5 times.  It wasn't so bad, Will was in the jumperoo and Eva who was still freaked mostly sat on my lap while I got some editing done.  I had to send Kage to the bathroom because of his constipation problems and make him try to go, so he was screaming bloody murder, no really, it sounded like he was being murdered!  The air duct cleaner guy just said, "somebody's not happy".  I couldn't hold Will off his feeding anymore, and started to nurse for all of five minutes, when air duct cleaner guy came in and said he was done.  So I had to take hungry baby off my boob and go upstairs to get the credit card and pay air duct cleaner guy.  Air duct cleaner guy left, I put Eva down for a nap and nursed Will while Kage continued his murderous screams from the bathroom.  After Will was done, I put Kage down for a nap, enough is enough and I have had ENOUGH!  Checked e-mail, facebook and flickr, heard the phone ring upstairs, knew full well there was no chance of me getting it before the voice mail picked up so just finsished with my routine e-mail checking.  Took Will Upstairs, who seemed to be refusing his afternoon nap, and checked voicemail.  Message from furnace guy........ "sapposed to check your furnace....." crap, I thought air duct cleaner guy was also furnace guy.  Called furnace guy back, "yes I am home, sorry I didn't get to the phone"  by now boys are home from school, so seven kids home.  Eva woke up, Kage woke up, Will still won't nap.  Around 4:00p.m. furnace cleaner guy comes to clean/service furnace, and I realize I still have a load of towels in the washing machine and 4 supersize loads of laundry to fold and put away.  Put Will in swing , he freaks, try to get laundry out of laundry room with all of the recycling that has exploded out of those blue recylcing containers, and manuever over Eva's huge toy bench which was put back there because I was sick and tired of her climbing on it, with broken toe, balance laundry basket on hip, climb over bench, foot snags dog's food dish and damn, spills dog food all over floor.  I start folding laundry with Will freaking in the swing and Eva whining, "up mom, up" continue to fold laundry knowing I have to get it done or else, wondering if furnace guy thinks I 'm a horrid mother for letting my babies cry and whine while I fold laundry.  Furnace guy comes up, he's done, everything looks good, pay him.  Finish folding laundry, by the time I am done, Will has fallen asleep and Eva has found something to entertain her.  It's 5:00 p.m. and I pour myself a glass of wine and drop to the couch for a moment, but only a moment and then I look at the clock, and say to myself, "it's 5:00, the baby is sleeping, get off your ass, use this chance and make supper!"  Gourmet dinner plans tonight, quesidillas and fries, get pans ready, go to back room to get fries out of deep freeze, drop laundry basket full of Aarons work clothes and Jaxson's old booster seat that were on top of deep freeze onto floor and hear Will screaming.  There it goes, my chance to make supper, he is going through a growth spurt and wants to nurse for 45 minutes at a time and when Aaron gets home at 5:30, he has to take Sarah to the walk-in clinic, leaving me here with 6 kids, one of which is I swear the devil;

oh yes, cute as she may be, she is bad.  That's about when my meltdown started.  I put the fries back in the deep freeze, set aside my glass of wine and I tried to feed Will but he was being so fussy, he wouldn't even take the boob.  Every nursing mother knows, that is when you are screwed, something is really wrong when they won't even take the boob.  So I put him back in the swing, he cries, and I curl up in the rocking chair and have a little cry myself.  So, hindsight ....... not the worst day ever, just a bad day when I have already had a few of those this week (and it's what only Wednesday?).  I think that's it, I just get depleted after so much and then I lose it over nothing.  Aaron came home at 5:30 to get Sarah and saw me sobbing, he didn't know what to do and I feel so bad that sometimes he has to some home from working his own full-time stressfull job and pick me up and take over, oh my god what would I do without him?  He said, here is some money, just order something for supper, and took Sarah to the clinic.  We don't even buy groceries anymore, just order pizza.  Okay that's only half true, we didn't get groceries last week-end because we were just too busy and we have been ordering pizza alot since Will was born.  Just for the record we didn't order pizza tonight, (we ordered chinese) you are probably thinking it must cost alot to order food for such a large family....... well for pizza it is just over $50 and chinese runs about $56.  Oh and don't worry people we have food in the house, Tuesday night, Aaron went to save-on for our milk/bread/fruit neccesaties to get us through the week.   So the rest of the day didn't go so bad, I ordered chinese, by some miracle the walk-in clinic was empty and Aaron and Sarah were home by 6:30, eventually Will calmed down and nursed, Aaron bathed the kids and put them to bed to bed, I had a hot bath and poured a glass of wine and decided to pour my heart out to the cyber world.  Every day is not bad and I still laugh and I still smile and at the end of every day, I am still grateful for every one of my babies, 

just look at that sweet face, well for now, untill he grows his devil horns too.  I have been writing this post for about 2 hours now.  Two hours I should of spent editing, or cleaning, or spending time with my husband, or sleeping, but I blogged.  I actually blogged about nothing more then a day in the life of me.  Feels good, getting it out there, now off to bed :)